Not every relationship will work out. Sometimes our relationships are unhealthy, to begin with, sometimes we drift apart and sometimes the relationship just fails. However, if you keep finding yourself in the same destructive patterns when it comes to relationships, you could be the cause of the failure. Here are some signs that you are sabotaging your relationships.
You don’t let your partner into your life
You make excuses about why you can’t meet a partner’s friends or parents or why you won’t introduce them to yours. Keeping romantic relationships separate from the rest of your life prevents the relationship from moving forward.
You hold grudges
Your partner makes a mistake or does something wrong so you hold onto it and use it against them at every opportunity. You need to forgive and forget. Don’t hold on to past mistakes or let grudges get in the way of your relationship.
You do things you know your partner doesn’t like
Your partner has been clear about their boundaries but you continually push them anyway. You know that you’ll upset them or make them angry so why keep doing it?
You are paranoid, jealous or controlling
A relationship must have trust. If you constantly question your partner and try and control what they do and who they speak to then you’ll eventually push them away. Learn to trust your partner, don’t let irrational thoughts ruin your relationship.
You always compare relationships
Don’t constantly compare your new relationship to past ones. You aren’t with your ex anymore; they are an ex for a reason. Move on and learn to appreciate your new partner.
You have unrealistic expectations
You want the perfect relationship and you expect your partner to be perfect in every way. Unfortunately, that isn’t realistic. Your partner is only human and they will have imperfections. Stop focusing on what is wrong with them and start focusing on what is right.
You cheat
Cheating on your partner, visiting dating sites or having secret meetings with your ex are sure signs that you are trying to sabotage your relationship. There is always a risk you will get caught and you know it would hurt your partner if they found out.
You choose the wrong partners
You settle into relationships with partners you know aren’t compatible because you are in love with the idea of being in love. You believe that being in any relationship, even a bad one, is better than being single.
You pick fights
Are you constantly finding reasons to start a fight? Perhaps you subconsciously want to make it so unbearable for your partner that they have no choice but to leave. This takes the decision of breaking up away from you.
You are afraid of conflict
Rather than start fights, you do everything you can to prevent them including letting your partner do things that make you unhappy. If you can’t tell your partner when something isn’t right then you’ll end up resenting them.
You don’t communicate
Don’t assume that your partner is on the same page as you or will know when they have upset you. Lack of communication in relationships will inevitably cause problems later down the line.
You put everyone and everything else before your partner
Your world shouldn’t revolve around your partner but they shouldn’t be at the bottom of your list of priorities either. You need to make your partner feel valued and stop putting everything else before them.
What to do if you’re a saboteur
If you find yourself doing any of the above then you need to examine the reasons for your behaviour. Why are you trying to sabotage your relationships?
Avoiding pain
Are you protecting yourself from getting hurt? Not letting yourself become secure and comfortable in a relationship could be a self-preservation tactic. If you don’t fall in love you can’t get your heart broken.
Believe your inner critic
You don’t let yourself feel happy and secure because you don’t think you are worthy. You don’t deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to be happy. Something is bound to go wrong. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you expect the relationship to fail then it will.
You’re looking for something a relationship can’t give you
You can’t rely on your partner to be your self-esteem, your confidence or your happiness. If you are lacking those things, then you need to learn how to get them from yourself.
Next steps
As a life coach, I help people realise what is preventing them from reaching their potential and I can help you too. Let’s find out what’s really stopping you from being happy so you can move past it and get the life you want. Together we’ll identify your negative behaviours and replace them with positive ones.
Contact me today and take control of your life and happiness.